Love and relationships are among the most vital aspects of an individual’s life. A person with vitiligo deserves a smooth dating experience bringing companionship and love just like anyone else with ‘normal’ skin.
Self-confidence and positive body-image matters a lot in dating
Dating, in general, is a funnily exhausting concept. We are constantly nervous, curious, excited, and overwhelmed all at the same time.
Every individual has their reservations regarding dating. Am I attractive enough? How do I hide the flaws and negative sides of my personality? What if she does not like the way I look? What if our interests don’t match? What if he does not like my body? Am I really attracted to the person? Is it just a physical attraction or an emotional one? Can this person actually be a part of my future? What if my emotions overwhelm my rationality?
These are some of those numerous questions that erupt in our heads before going out on a date or even while exploring dating opportunities. The human mind often tends to get overwhelmed by the negative aspects of a situation and loses the hold over the positive ones.
A number of quotes and sayings emphasize beauty being skin deep and not just a physical aspect. However, the first kind of attraction a person feels towards someone is physical. A charming smile, a tall stature, gorgeous hair, twinkling eyes, a perfect figure, and numerous other physical features make a person attractive for dating.
Consequently, those who do not match the rigid social standards of being “beautiful” find it quite difficult to have a smooth dating experience. The orthodox standards of beauty have posed serious insecurity in the minds of those people regarding their dating life. A scar on the skin, a tone darker than normal, a few spots, and a disfigured part of the body make people feel unworthy and different from the others.
Vitiligo can make dating a nerve racking adventure
Despite of being a non harmful and non contagious skin condition, vitiligo brings discrimination as it affects the physical appearance and outward look of an individual. The harsh reality of being constantly stared on, ridiculed (with awkward comments and questions), and sidelined because of the condition is experienced by most of the individuals living with vitiligo.
This affects the self-concept of an individual and feeds their insecurities. A weak self-concept influences the choices we make, the people we approach, and the lifestyle we adopt.
Dating becomes a difficult task.
A person who feels insecure about himself may find it extremely difficult to open up fully to another individual. The element of trust is difficult to develop and maintain. Numerous couples among which one individual has vitiligo have shared their stories stating how difficult it was to open up to their partners. Sharing their life stories, their interests, their routines, and the choices they want to adopt with their partner without having the fear of being judged, proved to be a mammoth task.
That’s why discovering a supportive and caring partner is so important if you have vitiligo.
Always remember, your ideal match will be your number one supporter making you feel lovable, beautiful and worthy.
10 proven tips for successful dating with Vitiligo
Here are some tips, to score a perfect date, without letting vitiligo prove to be an obstacle in your journey to find love!
1. It all starts with self-love
Is it fair to expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself?
This might sound a little harsh, but is not someone else’s responsibility to make you feel good about yourself.
It’s your life and it’s your responsibility to be compassionate towards self.
Self-love inspires a person to take good care of own needs, builds healthier habits, nurture own personality and eventually becoming more confident.
“Self-love and self-compassion makes you confident and confidence is the key for dating success.”
Everyone likes a person who feels good about own self and got a confident, pleasant personality.
Will you ever date a person who doesn’t feel good about himself/herself and doesn’t maintain a decent personality?
The same thing goes for others.
Once you start loving and embracing yourself, you will see how beautiful this world is. If you are demeaning to yourself, it makes you unattractive instantly. So, how you feel about yourself makes the foundation on which other people build their opinion about you.
2. Your Vitiligo spots doesn’t define you
A relationship is important, but is just a part of your life and not your entire life. Similarly, Vitiligo spots are just a part of your body and they don’t determine your self-worth.
Every individual in this world is unique and so are you. Vitiligo spots just add to your personality. Now it’s totally on you if you see those white spots as your flaws or as a unique feature.
In today’s world, social media has a huge impact on the emotional well being of an individual’s life. When we are over exposed to the ‘perfect’ body type in the form of movie stars, celebrities and models, we start comparing ourselves with them and wonder what went wrong with us.
The unrealistic superficial beauty standards created by this virtual world can easily take a toll on the self image and with vitiligo, the impact can be far more detrimental.
We need to realize that nothing in this world is perfect and rather, you should focus more on developing your personality as a whole.
For instance, you can groom the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you present yourself and yeah, staying fit and healthy is always good. If you have a good personality, you become instantly appealing. After all, nobody likes a boring person, right?
3. Accept vitiligo and be comfortable about it
The first step to feeling comfortable with something is accepting it. Vitiligo is a part of you and your identity. If you feel ashamed to talk about something that has been a part and parcel of your life, there are few chances you’ll ever find acceptance. Talk to your date about your condition. The conversation limits can be set by you. What to talk about and how much to tell, is completely your decision. A simple conversation will help you connect better and build a foundation of trust and compatibility.
4. Improve your personality
It is not easy to find a person with a good character and personality. So, if you can develop one, so many people will find you attractive and lovable despite of vitiligo.
Integrity, positive attitude, nicely shaped physique, decent financial status, and above all, a sense of humor- all these personality traits will make you a desirable partner.
A vitiligo guy’s wife once said to him- “Honey, I love you for your wonderful personality. Your vitiligo means nothing to me.”
5. The choice of makeup
Whether you conceal your spots with makeup or show them off proudly, you are beautiful and attractive both ways. So, the choice of using makeup or not is completely yours and should not matter to your potential match if s/he is really interested in you for all the good qualities you possess as a wonderful human being.
If makeup makes you feel confident and lift your morale, go ahead with it. Just make sure to use safe products considering the vitiligo affected sensitive skin and match the makeup to the occasion and location without overdoing it else it may give you an excessively artificial look.
6. Be curious and open
People like people who want to know more about them. Ask questions, and bring out the curiosity. Ask them how their childhood was, what do they in their free time, what are their hobbies, how they like their work, their passions, and ambitions. It is also essential to not overstep into personal lives and situations in the earlier phases of dating. Take time and build a safe environment to open up. A questionnaire is a perfect tool to help escape awkward silences and get to know the person better.
7. Connect, do not feel helpless
The feeling of insecurity about your skin is absolutely common and normal. However, it is essential to overcome it rather than perceiving the condition as an obstacle. Interact, connect and meet new people. Their perspectives, and opinions will provide your life with a fresh approach as well. You can join clubs, social groups, and friend circles to interact with numerous people. The interaction will help you feel comfortable in a social setting and will not let your vitiligo prove to be a hurdle on your journey towards socializing.
8. Don’t be scared of rejections
Rejection is literally the most inevitable thing that everyone has to face at some point of time in their lives. When swimming in the dating pond, sometimes you reject others and sometimes they reject you. It’s very natural and you should have an appetite for rejections without dwelling on it.
Rejection means that the other person doesn’t find you suitable to fit in his/her life. There can be numerous reasons for it and yes, vitiligo can be one of them. But, to blame vitiligo for every such experience is definitely an over-reaction.
If you stop for a moment and think about those interactions where you rejected someone, was it always due to the physical appearance of that person? Certainly not, right? The same way, vitiligo doesn’t become a deal breaker every time someone else decides to part ways with you.
Having said that, if someone rejects you for your skin condition, trust me, it’s a good thing for you because it is better to stay single than to be with some shallow minded person.
9. Never settle for less
It’s good to have an ‘in a relationship’ tag in your Facebook profile, but you don’t need to be with someone just for the sake of it. If your partner doesn’t make you feel comfortable in your skin or wants you to ‘do something’ about vitiligo, certainly, it’s a mismatch.
Vitiligo is an autoimmune skin condition and it’s not your fault if the exact cause and cure for it is unavailable. So criticizing you for something you have no control over or pushing you for treatment will do no good to you. In fact, it’s going to be extremely stressful and stress is such a huge trigger for vitiligo.
To remain in such a ‘toxic’ relationship can have long term consequences and it’s better to call it quits and move on.
Keep exploring the dating world and sooner than later you will find that person who will be genuinely interested in you for who you are.
10. Try vitiligo specific dating apps
In today’s digital world, online dating apps have paved way for finding love and companionship. People with vitiligo often complaint of inferior dating experience on the popular apps because they felt ignored and isolated over there. As soon as they ‘break the news’ about vitiligo, the person on the other side would stop interacting. It can be quite frustrating like ‘rubbing salt to your wounds’ when you face rejections one after the other.
DermaCupid is a dating app for people with skin conditions such as vitiligo, psoriasis, eczema and others. Here, you can be yourself and try your luck without the fear of getting judged or rejected for your vitiligo. This including dating app welcomes people without any chronic skin condition as they are open to the idea of dating someone with a chronic skin condition.
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